sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
