I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
The power of my boobs compel you
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
