It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
