im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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