Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I am one with the molecules
Randomize
