oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
