vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Don't EVER smell your tampon
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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