OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
