I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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