We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
