I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
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I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
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We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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