I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
You are a genius and a whore.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
