then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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