I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
When did angry sex become our thing?
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize