literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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