My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
