I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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