Cold hands, warm shart.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
