Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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