you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Randomize
