What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
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so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
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We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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