And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
