And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Sext me about skeletons
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Randomize
