I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
We got so high we made milksteak
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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