So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
