a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Is it because I queefed?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
