Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
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