So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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