lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
