shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
it's like heaven, but drunker
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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