Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
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