I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
