I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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