brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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