Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Randomize