Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
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