Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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