i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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