There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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