dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
