he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
