hotel room ftw
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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