I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
