True but thats because hes a fetus.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
And my parents said I crawled through the house
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
