Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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