How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
These tits shall not be calmed
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize