this boner is exhausting
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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