as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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