U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
