it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Randomize
