so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
