it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
