Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
