went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
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