Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
