I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
