Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
