I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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