I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
