Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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