I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
he fucked my hip out of place.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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