sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
