Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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