oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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