i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
